Nady Taunts Former Team

Though Xavier Nady's 1 for 3 performance last night might not land him on a Wheaties box, it was more than enough for the new HJ Heinz outfielder to pour salt in the already open wounds of his former team, Vinnies Pizzeria. Though hitting .396 on the season, with as many home runs as strikeouts (4), Nady was unceremoniously dumped for the second time last week in favor of someone named Ryan Langerhans. When reached for comment, Vinnies Pizzeria GM Josh Aiello would only say, "There's no way he hits .400 this year," before sulking off into his office for an emotional night of soul and waiver wire searching.

Aiello's quick trigger finger is well known in fake baseball circles, dating from the time he cut Scott Rolen after the third baseman failed to run out a ground ball to Aiello's liking, an incident recalled in legendary tones by opposing GMs. Nady, however, represents the first time in fake baseball history that an organization has cut a player hitting .400 twice in the span of 8 days. League sources indicate that problems may stem from an off-the-field situation, namely the outfielder's reluctance to participate in an unbelievably cheesy "X-Man"-themed promotional event dreamed up by the Vinnies Pizzeria marketing department. Whatever the cause of the rift, Nady was quoted as saying, "It is my mission for the 2006 fake baseball campaign to cause Vinnies Pizzeria management as much stress, chest pain, and restless nights as is humanly possible."