Weather Report

With clouds and rain blanketing the northeast, league commisioner Chris Naughton reports that tonight's games may be in jeopardy, as most managers are too depressed to get out of bed, much less set their rosters. "I just got off the phone with Vinnies Pizzeria GM Josh Aiello," said Naughton during his weekly press conference, "and am sorry to relate the news that he hasn't been this bummed out since Burger King discontinued the Western Whopper." The dreary weather, coupled with the fact that it's once again Monday morning, might result in the first fake baseball work stoppage since 2002, when a regional blackout rendered managers more helpless than Jon Lieber on a pitcher's mound. Reached for comment, Metallic Pea GM Patrick O'Grady could only mutter, "I can not believe it's only 10:59."