Wednesday Chat with Jon Lieber

This week, Dave Gilmartin catches up with Vinnies Pizzeria starting pitcher Jon Lieber to discuss the finer points of going winless for an entire month.

FBT: Jon, it's been said that the fake baseball season is a marathon, not a sprint. With that in mind, it seems you're stumbling deliriously along the course, covered in your own vomit, suffering from severe dehydration, being lapped by runners on crutches, with the finish line nowhere in sight. Isn't it time to just pass out and save everyone the trouble?

JL: Well, it's been a tough start to the season, no doubt about that. The last time I went this long without a win was when I missed 2 seasons recovering from Tommy John surgery.

FBT: You're currently surrendering 8 earned runs per game.

JL: Yes.

FBT: I don't even have a question...just wanted to hear what it sounded like to say "8 earned runs per game" out loud. As an interviewer, I don't often get that opportunity.

JL: Well, those numbers can be deceiving.

FBT: How so?

JL: They don't even take into account runs that almost scored, but didn't through no fault of my own. Let's say the bases are loaded with one out, and I toss my patented Floating Duck pitch up over the plate only to have [Vinnie's Pizzeria shortstop] Jose Reyes make an unbelievable play in the hole that results in a double play. That right there could have easily been 3 more runs had the breaks gone the other way.

FBT: You and [VP "ace"] Andy Pettite have combined for 7 losses in 3 and a half weeks. Who's been more disappointing?

JL: Well, Andy does have 1 win, so I'd have to say me.

FBT: No argument here. In fact, you've been so bad over the past month that rookie pitcher Brian Bannister is now considered a more reliable option. How have you accepted your new diminished role on the team?

JL: I've been on the bench for my last two starts, and Skip tells me he has no plans to put me in the lineup against Colorado tomorrow...it's tough, but I'm happy to do anything to help the team, even if it means never playing.

FBT: Vinnies Pizzeria owner Stanforth H. Aiello, III was recently quoted as saying, "Jon Lieber couldn't find the strike zone if a Sherpa was holding his hand." With that sort of pressure coming from above, there's speculation that if your numbers don't improve, management plans to stick you in the Phillie Phanatic suit by the trade deadline.

JL: Well, the Phanatic is a great entertainer. He brings a lot to the table and is always a much better treat than actually watching the team play. I would consider it an honor to continue the long tradition of chicanery that the Phanatic is known for, and have even been brushing up on my ATV-riding skills in the event that the opportunity presents itself.

FBT: Jon Lieber, thank you for taking the time to chat with us. And here's hoping you push your ERA over the fabled 10 runs per game barrier.

JL: Thank you, Dave. And that would be quite an accomplishment.