Around the League
Fake Baseball Team analyst Barry Madrid breaks down the first month of the season.
Who would have thought, going into the 2006 fake baseball season, that the Middlesex Teabaggers were anything more than a funny name? Even with three front-of-the-rotation starters currently on the DL, the Teabaggers have made a mockery of the rest of the league. In fact, GM Dave Sadell is so confident in his squad that he didn't even bother attempting to replace injured 2B Brian Roberts. "With the possible exception of the Huxtables, who are at least making the season somewhat interesting, I can't believe how atrocious the other teams are," said Sadell before lighting up a cigar with a $500 bill. "It's almost like they're trying to lose." The Teabaggers are so potent that they are considered a lock to win their first ever world championship once their pitchers come off the DL. "Dave is usually content to finish in the middle of the pack," noted Michael Long GM Jim Bremner, "I don't know what's gotten into him this year."
At the other end of the spectrum, HJ Heinz, The Premature Greys, and Metallic Pea spent most of the first month vying for last place. While all are very, very bad fake baseball teams, HJ Heinz holds the distinction of going a full month without recording a Save, believed to be the first time this has happened in the computerized fake baseball era. Not content to rest on his laurels, HJ Heinz GM Matt Naughton has vowed not to hit another homerun before the All Star break.
In what counts as intrigue at the bottom of the standings, this weekend's blockbuster trade between HJ Heinz and The Premature Greys raised eyebrows when acting league commisioner Chris Naughton (also GM of the Greys) passed off possibly injured OF Gary Sheffield and 2B Marcus Giles, who leads the league in beady eyeballs and little else, for the relatively solid combo of OF Johnny Damon and SP Barry Zito. "I find it interesting that the commissioner of our league has the ability and the audacity to pull off such a move. Now if you'll excuse me, I've got wild game to hunt," huffed Metallic Pea owner Horatio Allensworth O'Grady when reached for commment. Attempting to stifle criticism, Naughton reiterated that his duties as commissioner are in no way related to or affected by his connection to the Greys. "The Premature Greys fake baseball club is owned and operated by the Naughton Tribune Company, a family trust in which I hold no managerial position. This is all a part of public record," said Naughton in response to criticism. Still, it's no secret that HJ Heinz was awarded the 2008 Fake Baseball All-Star Game on the eve of the big trade.
It's been a month of mediocrity for the defending champion Vinnies Pizzeria, whose OF is in such disarray that Jason Repko currently starts alongside Shawn Green. "My mom really likes the fact that Green doesn't play on Yom Kipper," says GM Josh Aiello, "but he can eat a ham sandwich in Temple for all I care if he'd just start hitting the ball." Though it's too early to count VP out of the race, Aiello might need to content himself with having made an outrageous 21 roster moves in the first month, a minor point of pride made necessary by his horrible performance on draft day. "When I look at the Middlesex Teabaggers lineup, it's like reading a Dear John letter," noted the GM in between sniffles.
Of course, anything can still happen with 5 months remaining in the fake baseball season...
Who would have thought, going into the 2006 fake baseball season, that the Middlesex Teabaggers were anything more than a funny name? Even with three front-of-the-rotation starters currently on the DL, the Teabaggers have made a mockery of the rest of the league. In fact, GM Dave Sadell is so confident in his squad that he didn't even bother attempting to replace injured 2B Brian Roberts. "With the possible exception of the Huxtables, who are at least making the season somewhat interesting, I can't believe how atrocious the other teams are," said Sadell before lighting up a cigar with a $500 bill. "It's almost like they're trying to lose." The Teabaggers are so potent that they are considered a lock to win their first ever world championship once their pitchers come off the DL. "Dave is usually content to finish in the middle of the pack," noted Michael Long GM Jim Bremner, "I don't know what's gotten into him this year."
At the other end of the spectrum, HJ Heinz, The Premature Greys, and Metallic Pea spent most of the first month vying for last place. While all are very, very bad fake baseball teams, HJ Heinz holds the distinction of going a full month without recording a Save, believed to be the first time this has happened in the computerized fake baseball era. Not content to rest on his laurels, HJ Heinz GM Matt Naughton has vowed not to hit another homerun before the All Star break.
In what counts as intrigue at the bottom of the standings, this weekend's blockbuster trade between HJ Heinz and The Premature Greys raised eyebrows when acting league commisioner Chris Naughton (also GM of the Greys) passed off possibly injured OF Gary Sheffield and 2B Marcus Giles, who leads the league in beady eyeballs and little else, for the relatively solid combo of OF Johnny Damon and SP Barry Zito. "I find it interesting that the commissioner of our league has the ability and the audacity to pull off such a move. Now if you'll excuse me, I've got wild game to hunt," huffed Metallic Pea owner Horatio Allensworth O'Grady when reached for commment. Attempting to stifle criticism, Naughton reiterated that his duties as commissioner are in no way related to or affected by his connection to the Greys. "The Premature Greys fake baseball club is owned and operated by the Naughton Tribune Company, a family trust in which I hold no managerial position. This is all a part of public record," said Naughton in response to criticism. Still, it's no secret that HJ Heinz was awarded the 2008 Fake Baseball All-Star Game on the eve of the big trade.
It's been a month of mediocrity for the defending champion Vinnies Pizzeria, whose OF is in such disarray that Jason Repko currently starts alongside Shawn Green. "My mom really likes the fact that Green doesn't play on Yom Kipper," says GM Josh Aiello, "but he can eat a ham sandwich in Temple for all I care if he'd just start hitting the ball." Though it's too early to count VP out of the race, Aiello might need to content himself with having made an outrageous 21 roster moves in the first month, a minor point of pride made necessary by his horrible performance on draft day. "When I look at the Middlesex Teabaggers lineup, it's like reading a Dear John letter," noted the GM in between sniffles.
Of course, anything can still happen with 5 months remaining in the fake baseball season...
posted by Anonymous at 11:03 AM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home