Performance Bonuses Pay Immediate Dividends
Puzzled by his team's lackluster play over the past month, Vinnies Pizzeria GM Josh Aiello convened an emergency meeting of his brain trust in Tampa last weekend, with the objective being to right what had become a rapidly sinking ship. Details of the meeting remained sketchy until VP Assistant GM Mike Miller's Tuesday afternoon podcast, when it was revealed that the team had implemented a complex system of bonus gifts intended to excite and motivate its players. "Apparently, being paid obscene amounts of money to stand around on a baseball field for a few hours a day isn't motivation enough to today's players," explained Miller, "so we had to get creative."
Informed of the new bonuses before last night's game, the players responded immediately, to the tune of gaining an incredible 9 points in the standings. "The guys really came out to play last night," continued Miller, "it was clear, during our team meeting, that Shawn Green in particular was really fired up by the prospect of winning a weekend for two in Atlantic City, NJ, which will be awarded to the player with the team's highest batting average." Fired up, indeed, as the outfielder went 4 for 4, with a home run, stolen base, and two runs scored. "I've always wanted to spend two days in New Jersey," exclaimed Green after the game, while dousing himself in champagne.
Not to be outdone, utility man Travis Hafner went 2 for 3, smacking a home run and driving in 4, which puts him in a tie with DH Jim Thome for team RBI leader, with 24 each. "I know Big Jim has his eye on those steak knives," said Hafner, referring to the bonus prize for most RBIs, "but I intend to take them home with me."
Unfortunately, the bonus scheme was not a complete success, as not even a free 6-month subscription to Entertainment Weekly was enough to motive Jose Reyes to actually get on base. "I guess Jose just doesn't want those magazines," huffed bench coach Carlos Aiello as the shortstop sulked his way back to the dugout for the 4th time in a row.
Informed of the new bonuses before last night's game, the players responded immediately, to the tune of gaining an incredible 9 points in the standings. "The guys really came out to play last night," continued Miller, "it was clear, during our team meeting, that Shawn Green in particular was really fired up by the prospect of winning a weekend for two in Atlantic City, NJ, which will be awarded to the player with the team's highest batting average." Fired up, indeed, as the outfielder went 4 for 4, with a home run, stolen base, and two runs scored. "I've always wanted to spend two days in New Jersey," exclaimed Green after the game, while dousing himself in champagne.
Not to be outdone, utility man Travis Hafner went 2 for 3, smacking a home run and driving in 4, which puts him in a tie with DH Jim Thome for team RBI leader, with 24 each. "I know Big Jim has his eye on those steak knives," said Hafner, referring to the bonus prize for most RBIs, "but I intend to take them home with me."
Unfortunately, the bonus scheme was not a complete success, as not even a free 6-month subscription to Entertainment Weekly was enough to motive Jose Reyes to actually get on base. "I guess Jose just doesn't want those magazines," huffed bench coach Carlos Aiello as the shortstop sulked his way back to the dugout for the 4th time in a row.
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