Hit Put Out on Madson
Vinnies Pizzeria general manager Josh Aiello met last night at 3am to "discuss a little business" with associates of the DeCicco crime syndicate, according to assistant GM Jim Marchese. During Marchese's weekly Friday morning press conference, the AGM deflected most questions concerning the meeting's specific details, but allowed for the fact that it took place somewhere on Staten Island. Moles in the DeCicco Family, however, confirmed that Aiello met with Jimmy Fruitcake, Frank Knuckles, and Carmine the Slouch, and that the conversation involved a certain relief pitcher, as well as Aiello's outstanding vig.
When approached for comment, Aiello refused to talk with reporters, and was walking with a distinct limp. However, wiretaps obtained by Fake Baseball Team researchers corroborate the placing of a hit on reliever Ryan Madson, the man responsible for blowing Vinnies Pizzeria phenom Cole Hamels' first two starts. Hamels, long touted as the second coming of Curt Schilling, finally made his first fake start last week, only to have Madson come in and surrender the lead. In a cruel twist of fate, the scenario repeated itself yesterday, as Hamels once again left the game only to have Madson squander his efforts.
"One time, ok, maybe it's a fluke. But twice...this certainly raises eyebrows," explained Marchese, "I don't want to talk out of turn, but it seems Madson may have flipped." As for the pitcher, Madson did not speak to the press following his latest meltdown, but arrived at the ballpark early this morning to discover a dead fish wrapped in a baseball mitt waiting in his locker. "I dunno nuthin' about that," croaked clubhouse attendant Mike Tully when questioned.
Though Madsen's current whereabouts are unknown, Vinnies Pizzeria sources believe he has disappeared into the fake baseball protection program, otherwise known as the HJ Heinz lineup. His agent, Kyle Bernstein, claims to have not spoken with the pitcher since last night, but downplays rumors of a hit. "Isn't Aiello only half-Italian? I mean, come on."
When approached for comment, Aiello refused to talk with reporters, and was walking with a distinct limp. However, wiretaps obtained by Fake Baseball Team researchers corroborate the placing of a hit on reliever Ryan Madson, the man responsible for blowing Vinnies Pizzeria phenom Cole Hamels' first two starts. Hamels, long touted as the second coming of Curt Schilling, finally made his first fake start last week, only to have Madson come in and surrender the lead. In a cruel twist of fate, the scenario repeated itself yesterday, as Hamels once again left the game only to have Madson squander his efforts.
"One time, ok, maybe it's a fluke. But twice...this certainly raises eyebrows," explained Marchese, "I don't want to talk out of turn, but it seems Madson may have flipped." As for the pitcher, Madson did not speak to the press following his latest meltdown, but arrived at the ballpark early this morning to discover a dead fish wrapped in a baseball mitt waiting in his locker. "I dunno nuthin' about that," croaked clubhouse attendant Mike Tully when questioned.
Though Madsen's current whereabouts are unknown, Vinnies Pizzeria sources believe he has disappeared into the fake baseball protection program, otherwise known as the HJ Heinz lineup. His agent, Kyle Bernstein, claims to have not spoken with the pitcher since last night, but downplays rumors of a hit. "Isn't Aiello only half-Italian? I mean, come on."
posted by Anonymous at 10:18 AM
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