Aiello To Suit Up

Reports coming out of New York indicate that Vinnies Pizzeria general manager Josh Aiello has made the unorthodox decision to start pitching for his fake baseball squad. If so, he will become the first fake player-manager since Connecticut landscaper Jon Clark played 3 games at catcher for The Green Thumbs in 1989. Though Aiello declined invitations to speak with the press, team sources indicate that the move comes as a direct response to Vinnies Pizzeria having plummeted from 97 to 76 points in the span of three days. "That's pretty tough to do," confirms assistant GM Mike Miller, "for a team to take that kind of a dive, it needs to not be firing on all cylinders. Our pitching, our hitting, our fielding, even our team plane...nothing's working. How much worse can Josh be?"

How much worse indeed. With the team stumbling around the diamond like a Dawn of the Dead open casting call, a 31 year old, out of shape starting pitcher should be just what the doctor ordered. Opposing scouts have yet to get a good long look at Aiello, but his repertoire is thought to consist of a fastball that tops out around 27 miles per hour, with some sort of underhanded, softball-style floater mixed in to fool batters. Aiello recently petitioned the league to shorten the distance between the pitcher's mound and home plate from the customary 60' 6" to a more convenient 30', but the request was denied.

When not pitching, Aiello will split time between first base, left field, the concession area, and, most likely, the disabled list.

To make room on the roster, starting pitcher Tyler Bucholz was optioned to the Super Shop-Rite in Manahawkin, NJ, where he plans to begin a new career stocking produce.