Eckstein Enjoying His Vacation

With his team in the thick of the pennant race, Vinnies Pizzeria shortstop David Eckstein figured this would be the perfect time to take his annual family vacation. As a fake baseball veteran, Eckstein is afforded two weeks paid time off, and while most choose to travel during the slower months of February and March, the scrappy fake shortstop decided to take advantage of the beautiful springtime weather.

Far from a fake baseball superstar, most observers were surprised when Eckstein won a spot with the defending World Champions. "This is the kind of signing you make when you're dead last in batting average," explained GM Josh Aiello at the time of Eckstein's acquisition. "Hopefully, it will only be a matter of time before we waive him outright."

Most players would be inspired by such a display of confidence, but not Eckstein. "I was floored when he informed me of his vacation plans," says Manager Skip Aiello. "Here's a guy who's just lucky to be playing fake baseball. We grab him off the scrap heap, give him a starting job with the world champs, and this is the thanks we get? I hope he and his .323 batting average have a great time in Tahiti."

In order to facilitate his trip, Eckstein first crafted a convoluted sob story involving some sort of fake concussion. "Yeah, his head hurts, so he can't play," scoffs clubhouse attendant Adam Mutterperl, "and I've got rickets." When reached for comment, Eckstein looked up from his icy rum and coconut cocktail and rubbed his left temple. "Oh yeah, the head...it's feeling a little better now. The rest has been good." When reminded that the injury was to his right side, the shortstop looked taken aback before offering this clarification: "My doctor tells me that concussions can drift...yesterday, it was in my ankle."