Thome, Smoke, Mirrors Lead Vinnies Pizzeria to First Place

Mark July 16 as the day Josh Aiello sewed up year-end General Manager of the Year honors. While there's plenty of fake baseball yet to be played, the fact that a squad which regularly features both David DeJesus and Eric Byrnes stands alone in first place at this point in the season is truly a miraculous development. Not to mention that the team's 3 most potent bats, Jim Thome, Travis Hafner, and Alex Rios, barely played at all over the past month (Rios due to injury, Thome and Hafner thanks to dreaded interleague play). The success of this year's team may mark the crowning achievement of a GM long thought to be a fake baseball savant.

"Aiello had a terrible draft, traded away his two best hitters, routinely gives up on players way too early, and yet here we are," laments Boro Boys GM Bill Griffith, "I feel like a boy playing against men."

"It's almost like he's toying with us," adds Patrick O'Grady, GM of hapless Metallic Pea, "You look down his lineup and couldn't be less impressed. It's like a beer league softball team. But the numbers don't lie. I have no idea how he's doing it."

Adding further evidence of O'Grady's assertions, one currently hot rumor has Aiello inquiring into the services of Kansas City Royals closer Mike MacDougal, a move that, were it to come too fruition, would prove too much for some of Aiello's peers. "Oh, the hubris of such a movie would be unprecedented," notes Chris Naughton of the Pathetic, er, Premature Grays, "if Aiello can succesfully put MacDougal to good use, we will certainly be in the company of some great fake baseball deity. It's too much."

Lest anyone doubt the outrageousness of Vinnies Pizzeria's place atop the standings, behold the team's fake lineup as currently constructed:

C: Paul LoDuca
1B: Jim Thome
2B: Chase Utley
SS: Jose Reyes
3B: Joe Crede
IF: Ronnie Belliard
OF: Chone Figgins
OF: Eric Byrnes
OF: Marcus Thames
OF: David DeJesus
UT: Travis Hafner

SP: Carlos Zambrano
SP: Barry Zito
SP: Justin Verlander
SP: Dave Bush
SP: Andy Pettitte
SP: John Lester
SP: Chris Young
RP: Jonathan Papelbon
RP: Chad Cordero
RP: Akinori Otsuka
RP: Joel Zumaya
RP: Matt Thornton