Vinnies Pizzeria Introduces Eighth Second Baseman Of Season

Ronnie Belliard will make his fake debut tonight following last weekend's unceremonious dismissal of both David Eckstein and Aaron Hill, themselves merely the latest castoffs in what has become a biweekly event: the changing of the Vinnies Pizzeria infielders. Known mostly for his terrible, terrible hair and somewhat passable batting average, Belliard brings a veteren's perspective to the young VP infield. Experts predict he will spend approximately 3 weeks with the club before being sent back to the scrap heap, forgotten until next season's panic mode sets in.

With the team's batting average in full decline, Belliard's relatively high RBI numbers are merely the icing on his sideways slanted cap. "I'd like to see someone come in here who doesn't suck immediately upon putting on the Vinnies Pizzeria uniform," commented manager Skip Aiello when informed of the latest acquisition. Due to the position's high turnaround rate, it is not believed that Belliard's name or number will be displayed on either his locker or batting helmets, which will instead feature the simple designation "Infielder." Likewise, Belliard will be forced to share a jersey with Barry, VP's longtime special needs batboy. "Hey, it's all part of the game," says Belliard. "I'm just happy not to be playing in Philadelphia."